The Moss fam is sick right now. Baylee, our 2-year old, had an ear infection for a couple days, but that flowed into fever and being lethargic for the last 3-4 days. She's coming off of it, but it's been hard on her. Now, Jeannette & I are following in her footsteps, not with ear infections but with the cold. I guess we've been going overboard on the sharing lessons lately.
Monday & Tuesday Baylee had a really high fever. She was a walking space heater. I came home Monday from church/Moody and she was just laying in the bed, whimpering and sniffling. I knelt by her and asked, "What can daddy do Baylee?" She didn't say anything. Just sniffled.
"Do you want some water?" From laying on her side with her head jammed in the pillow, not even looking at me, only her mouth moved, "No."
"Do you want me to rub your back?" "No."
"Do you want something to eat?" "No."
"Do you want Floppy (her bunny)?" "No."
"Well what do you want daddy to do baby?"
She finally turned, looked at me, sat up, sniffled, and then said, "Hold me daddy."
No good father would need to think for a second on that one.
So I laid in bed with her and held her. "Held her tight" as we say, for probably over an hour. She eventually fell asleep, but I still had her next to me, holding her.
I won't always be able to do that, and I hate that truth with intensity. She's 2 now, but when she's 25 and sick I don't think she'll be asking me to hold her. She'll maybe ask me what medicine to take or what she needs to do. That is a good thing - she'll need to know how to take care of herself at 25. But in my heart as her daddy I know I'll want to just hold her. So for now...I'll hold her any chance I can get.
I think that the fact I'm sick right now coupled with thinking about holding Baylee has made me realize a truth about my relationship with God.
When I first came to know Him I always asked for His involvement, His help. I was a young, toddler follower who constantly said "Hold me." It was all about what He would and could do, and I ran to Him for it.
Now that I've been on this journey for almost 20 years now, I'm more apt to ask Him what He wants me to do. "God, how can I fix it?" "What's your advise God?" "Where do you want me to go?" All good questions and after 20 years of following Him I hope that I've matured and am somewhat able to do a few things on my own.
That being said, God is indeed our Father - and a good father, not the jerk kind that probably over 50% of our society thinks of when they hear that noun. He is THE father, and any natural feelings I have as a father or of how a father should be can in part be traced back as echoes of who He is.
I'm not the only father who wants to hold his kids.
So, with the things I'm going through right now I will indeed ask God for His direction, His guidance, and His help. After all this time - I better.
But first and foremost I will return to being a child, I will embrace His heart, and I will pray, "Hold me daddy."
And I realize now, that is the prayer He's been wishing I would pray.