March was a low month for me. I don't want to go as far as to say it was a "dark" month - but it was definitely a time of soul searching and soul trembling.
I spoke at New Life Lakeview & Lincoln Park this past Sunday on James 1:1-8 (Here's the message if you want to listen: LINK). I told everyone during that time that I'm literally living out the James passage in my day to day right now.
Which is good. Difficult, but good.
About 3 weeks ago I had a night of tearful prayer. I drove around for about 2 hours weeping tears that have probably been stored up for years. I'm not a big crier, so this was huge for me. I ended up sitting on the steps of Holy Name Cathedral, late at night in the city, journaling, getting things out and down.
Here's part of what I poured out to God:
I feel broken...so I give the pieces to You.
I feel lost...so I give my way to You.
I feel shame...so I give my stains to You.
I feel alone...so I give my need for connection to You.
I feel confused...so I give my contemplations to You.
I feel hopeless...so I give my aspirations to You.
I feel anger...so I give my wounds to You.
This is my genuine sacrifice.
This is my genuine, living sacrifice.
This is all I got.
This is what's real.
And I give it to You.
That's where I was three weeks ago. In a different place now - but I needed to go through that to get here today. And that's a good thing.
Difficult, but good.
Just felt like someone would maybe be encouraged by hearing a little of what's been going on inside of me.
If you're in a similar place, send me an email. I'd love to hear and share.