Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A confessional prayer

March was a low month for me.  I don't want to go as far as to say it was a "dark" month - but it was definitely a time of soul searching and soul trembling.

I spoke at New Life Lakeview & Lincoln Park this past Sunday on James 1:1-8 (Here's the message if you want to listen: LINK).  I told everyone during that time that I'm literally living out the James passage in my day to day right now.

Which is good.  Difficult, but good.

About 3 weeks ago I had a night of tearful prayer.  I drove around for about 2 hours weeping tears that have probably been stored up for years.  I'm not a big crier, so this was huge for me.  I ended up sitting on the steps of Holy Name Cathedral, late at night in the city, journaling, getting things out and down.

Here's part of what I poured out to God:

  I feel I give the pieces to You.
  I feel I give my way to You.
  I feel I give my stains to You.
  I feel I give my need for connection to You.
  I feel I give my contemplations to You.
  I feel I give my aspirations to You.
  I feel I give my wounds to You.
  This is my genuine sacrifice.
  This is my genuine, living sacrifice.
  This is all I got.
  This is what's real.
  And I give it to You.

That's where I was three weeks ago.  In a different place now - but I needed to go through that to get here today.  And that's a good thing.

Difficult, but good.

Just felt like someone would maybe be encouraged by hearing a little of what's been going on inside of me.

If you're in a similar place, send me an email.  I'd love to hear and share.

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