My bittersweet birthday present

September 4th is my birthday (mark that on your calendar for next year). 

September 4th this year was also Baylee's first day of Kindergarten. A day I was incredibly excited about and not looking forward to. She's done half day preschool a couple days a week before so school isn't anything new to us. But full day is different. Kindergarten is different.

It's one of those landmark days where you look in two different directions. The look ahead is excitement about the little woman she is growing into but also melancholy because the days of her always being around are gone. Eyes back are joyful because of the special times we've experienced but also slightly saddening in knowing at times as a parent I could have done better.

But between the two looks is September 4th. Today I laugh and I cry while looking back at pictures from the last few years. Today I hug her tight and kiss her cheek repeatedly. Today I tell myself to be constructively critical but not to beat myself up. Today I say to her what I've said at various times before: "Do your best. Be a leader and a helper. Have tons of fun. Daddy loves you so much."

Just can you slow down a little bit on this growing up stuff? A little bit?