My bittersweet birthday present

September 4th is my birthday (mark that on your calendar for next year). 

September 4th this year was also Baylee's first day of Kindergarten. A day I was incredibly excited about and not looking forward to. She's done half day preschool a couple days a week before so school isn't anything new to us. But full day is different. Kindergarten is different.

It's one of those landmark days where you look in two different directions. The look ahead is excitement about the little woman she is growing into but also melancholy because the days of her always being around are gone. Eyes back are joyful because of the special times we've experienced but also slightly saddening in knowing at times as a parent I could have done better.

But between the two looks is September 4th. Today I laugh and I cry while looking back at pictures from the last few years. Today I hug her tight and kiss her cheek repeatedly. Today I tell myself to be constructively critical but not to beat myself up. Today I say to her what I've said at various times before: "Do your best. Be a leader and a helper. Have tons of fun. Daddy loves you so much."

Just can you slow down a little bit on this growing up stuff? A little bit? 

Love being a dad!

Little else brings me more joy than being called Daddy by these two:

I couldn't have asked for two better kids. Not trying to be a perfect dad, gave up on that. Just trying to do my best and do a good job. 

And a big Father's day to some :

• My Dad
• My Step-Dad Tom
• My Papa
• My father-in-law Jim
• My step-brother Tommy
• My brother-in-law Vince
• My buddies Todd (soon to be dad), Josh, Jason, Luke, Micah 
• And all the "Dad's" at New Life Lincoln Park and on the New Life pastoral team!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ALL YOU POPS!!! 

Passing on the Star Wars legacy & being a good dad

Yesterday was the unofficial Star Wars day: May the 4th be with you. I wasn't going to get home till late from a work trip, but Jeannette and I talked on the phone earlier in the day and decided it was time for the kids to experience the movies. Being my kids they've obviously heard of them and know who some of the characters are, but they hadn't seen them yet. 

Both got incredibly excited when Jeannette explained what the day was and that we were going to watch the movies when I got home. Evidence of their excitement came in this text that I got from Jeannette during the day:

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss

Today would have been Theodor Seuss Geisel's 108th birthday. I was thinking earlier today that I have never heard anyone say that they dislike his work. Sure it might have happened, it isn't like I have a photographic memory. But I really don't think I've ever heard someone say that. Have you? Seriously - who would? (Don't tell me - I honestly don't want to hear about it. The world can't have gotten that bad)

When I was younger Green Eggs & Ham and Horton Hears a Who were my top favorites. My fourth grade class did Horton as a play and I was one of the vultures who carried Horton away. Skimming his work on Amazon's page for the good Dr, titles I had forgotten are coming back to me like my grandma had just read them to me yesterday: In a People House, There's a Wocket in my Pocket, and Mr Brown Can Moo, Can You? When I was a little older and in school I remember being fascinated learning that Yertle the Turtle was about Hitler. And I remember reading and rereading and rereading and rereading Oh, the Places You'll Go.

Baylee the Ballerina

She comes out in this little blue dress,

carrying the new music box she got for her birthday.

Daddy, will you watch me dance?

Can't tell you how many times I've watched this clip in the last four days.

Next her first dance at school.

Then her prom.

Then her wedding.

As long as she keeps asking,

"Daddy, will you watch me dance?"

Then I guess I'll be OK with it.

Maybe.

First day of 5 years old

Yesterday we partied.

Yesterday we celebrated.

Yesterday was about going from this moment...

To this moment...

 

But today it hit me. Again.

As she woke up, as she got ready for school. 

As she yelled, "Daddy! Daddy!" when I walked in the door.

As we we painted and as I gave her piggy back rides.

Today the reality of days continually being added hit me. Again.

My awe of holding this little one has only grown, even more than she has.

I want her to get bigger as much as I don't want her to.

These are the pains of being a daddy I guess. 

But I wouldn't trade them for all of the world.

No Slutty Halloweens

This is a picture of Baylee's Halloween costume: Hello Kitty. 

My adorable little girl.

My funny, caring, outgoing, social, loving, observant, full of life, beautiful little girl. 

As her daddy I take it as a deep personal responsibility to shower her with love, affirmation, empowerment, wisdom, and build up her self-respect so that when she is older she doesn't feel it necessary to dress up like a slut in order to have fun on Halloween.

Her decisions will be her own.

But it's my role to give her a foundation to make those decisions, and impart to her through our relationship the self-respect, confidence, and know how to be able to make the best ones. 

Dear Lord - please help me! 

 What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. 1 Peter 3:3-4

The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. Psalm 45:11

A reminder of - "I want to holded"

Back in January I shared this story of Baylee almost bringing Jeannette and I to tears (happy ones): "I want to be holded" It's actually one of the most read posts ever on my blog.

Well, Saturday night before bedtime Baylee and I had the below conversation. It was another reminder of wanting to be held.

Me: "Baylee, will you promise me that after you turn 5 that you won't get any bigger? Can you just stay like this? I really like you this size."

Baylee: "Sure. Wait just a minute." 

She then turns around in front of me, closes her eyes and clasps her hands, "God, please let me be five for a long long time. Amen."

She then turns back to face me and says, "I hope he answers that dad because I like it when you hold me." 

And again...she near brings me to tears.

Tonight's moment made me think of the one back in January. Very lucky to have this little lady in my life - because she continually points me toward seeing what is most important.

"Lord...teach me to pray like a 4 year old. Amen"

"The 1st day of school" or "Why blinking sucks"

Yesterday she was...

And then I blinked, and today she is...

Moments when they made me laugh

My children are as entertaining as they are adorable. From our time in NY, here is proof:

Holding hands with Jaxon

The Moss fam walked around Times Square Saturday night. Baylee & I had gone the night before, but for this time around it was the whole clan. The kids loved the lights, all the people, and didn't want to leave the M&M store. Or McDonalds. Or the Disney store. 

We were walking back to our hotel when Jaxon wanted to be released from the stroller. We had him in because of the crowds, but he had enough of riding and was ready for some walking. Well, running. All over the place. 

A couple blocks away from our hotel Jaxon stopped, came back to me, and reached his hand up to take mine. And that was it. He just wanted to hold my hand and walk. He pointed at cars, and the big bus, and jumped a couple cracks. But through all of it he didn't let go of my hand. I was eating up every minute.

Week in Review

I've been really trying to get into a regular blogging rhythm lately.  It's just a good place for me to process what I'm experiencing in life, regardless what it is (scroll to the bottom of the page and read the left column, as far as why I do this blog). One cool thing I've seen in the writings of other bloggers I follow is the concept of a day for random meandering.  Ben Arment calls it his "Wednesday Morning Run Down" and Tim Schraeder calls his the "Monday Mind Dump." Love this idea, and am going to learn from it. For me Saturdays will be the best day for meandering, hence, "The Week in Review." 

Here we go...

Best Father's Day Gift Ever

A few days ago Jeannette asked what I wanted to do for Father's Day.  There wasn't a specific activity, but there were specific parameters:

• I don't want to do any work.
• I don't want to drive anywhere far 
• I don't want to have to deal with Chicago traffic.

So we went to church, went to lunch, came home, and I got to take a 2 hour nap.  Best. Day. Ever.

This morning before church Baylee realized it was Father's Day and insisted I open my gift right then. She was not going to wait till after church.  So the gift bag came out of the closet and inside I found...

"Daddy, can I listen to Justin Bieber?"

We're driving around last night and from the back seat Baylee begins the conversation:

Baylee - "Daddy, when I'm five can I listen to Justin Bieber?"

Me - "No Baylee, not till you're 13.  And then it will be a maybe."

Baylee - "Whhoooaaa!"

Yes, I am a cruel father.

During youth group days I was asked numerous times by people if I thought their kid was old enough for Harry Potter.  The parents hadn't read them yet, knew I had, so they wanted some insight. I'm still asked that question from time to time, but also now is added to it inquirires on Hannah Montana, Justin Bieber, & the like.

First off, let the following be established and understood: I have read the Harry Potter books.  I have NEVER watched an episode of Hannah Montana.  I am INCAPABLE of identifying a Justin Bieber song. Just want to clarify all that so I don't lose any street cred.

Moving on...

Alcatraz Magnets

When our family was in San Francisco a couple weeks ago we went to Alcatraz.  Amazing experience!  Incredibly interesting.  Still thinking through it all and looking forward to writing about it in the near future.  For now though, I thought I'd share our prize from the gift shop. 

We bought these magnets that depict actual regulations that Alcatraz inmates lived by.  We figured they would be good to have on the fridge as our kids get older.  =)